Saturday, May 17, 2014

Silent Abuse

Excerpts from this page:
The silent abuser is able to switch himself off emotionally to the pain and suffering he is causing his victim and will deny he is the problem and he may tell himself or others that he is the victim.
You stop being a victim when you become the abuser
The abuser is capable of closing down all reasonable sense of emotions and turn into a cold heart very fast as he withdraws into his own world without any care for his victims distress . The abuser will behave in society charming, calm, happy, he will be seen by others as a pillar of society, gentle natured, helpful, kind, caring and fool the outside world into thinking he is abused and his partner is the abuser. This is classic of a mental abuser. They will have their partner labelled a mental case whilst he plays the victim and saint and makes her the subject of of every ones rejection by labelling her with an unbalanced mind.
The true victim will be further rejected not only by her abuser but also by his friends, work colleagues, family and others he is likely to meet. The abuser needs to feel in control and he will seek constant approval from those around him and convince them that he’s the true victim. They will offer him advice and he will feed off their pity which will make him feel even more in control as he plays the victim.
The true victims may withdraw from all social activities, work, stop seeing family, they stop being fun, will see everything in a negative light, stop eating which is the start of dangerous health issues, cry alone, send text terror messages as a means to fight back which only gives the abuser more ammunition to abuse her with as he will use that as a further excuse to ignore and make her look bad in front of others. The abuser will happily share the text messages because he wants everyone to see him as the victim. The true victim will stop functioning on all levels as the mind games take over her life. She will find it hard to think of anything else but what is happening to her. The victim will fight with her own mind and struggle to work out if she is being abused or is she truly the problem. The victim may start behaving irrationally from the stress caused by the mental abuse.
Mental abuse is not normally seen by anyone on the outside looking in because they see the abuser as a strong, calm, caring and sincere person and will not be able to see the true character behind the person in front of them that they think they know so well.
Obviously not everything on the page applies, since it's mostly about romantic relationships, but THIS is what is happening to me. Every time I didn't conform to whatever it was that was 'expected' of me in the friendship,  he would pull away and ignore me. HE KNEW it was hurtful and HE STILL DOES. Because I'm acting 'irrational' (aka HURTING LIKE FUCK), I'm the one in the wrong and he's the one being treated unfairly. I was told by a friend he felt 'unsafe' that my 'obsession' was wrong and that I should leave him alone because he obviously blocked me 'for a reason'. Yeah, that reason is he couldn't control me, so now he is punishing me. He knows exactly well how much this has been destroying me. And I'm the crazy, fucked up one cause I refused to sit down, shut up, and TAKE THIS TREATMENT. Fuck. That.
Ignoring a partner may also be a sign of infidelity or a man who is not in control of his own emotions and shuts down. 
Like, I don't think he necessarily wants to re-enter some fucked up friendship scenario again. BUT I do think he couldn't accept the fact he was hurting me and causing me pain and probably just refuses to be responsible for his actions. So it's easier to shut down and make me out to be the problem and him the victim.

I know I'm not perfect, but I know fucking well when I'm being horribly mistreated by someone. I'm tired of people who know me and who I know care about me as friends thinking I'm just a crazy fuck up who can't handle life, that I'm just acting out cause I'm hurting. Well, yes, and also no... I'm hurting because SOMEONE IS DELIBERATELY HURTING ME. And getting away with it because a lot of our friends are probably validating him cutting me off, like he's some sort of fucking hero.

I am angry. I am hurting. I am isolated, and very few of the people who should give a shit are; I'm getting mostly ignored by everyone, cause it's really fucking terrible to face up to the fact that someone you otherwise like and care about as a friend is doing some really awful shit to someone else. But it's the truth, and I'm so tired of feeling this way.

I'm not saying people should stop being friends with him or 'take sides'. Just understand what is truly going on and don't be complicit in it. His words he used to tear me down are on this blog. Every time I was hurting or emotional, he shut down, shut me out, and invalidated everything I was feeling.. to the point he convinced ME that I was seriously fucked up and destroying our friendship, when it was him treating ME poorly. When I had finally had enough, he refused to speak to me or acknowledge I'm a person who even exists pretty much. It is a Really Really fucked up way to treat ANYone... and so easy to get away with when I have pretty terrible mental illness already, so label me as crazy and unstable and EVERYONE believes you.

I'm fleeing the state because being here on my own simply isn't safe for me anymore. Anyone who saw me after moving out on my own being generally happy and social and doing well to what I've become now should understand just how devastating this treatment has been for me. I can put up with a lot of shit from people, and often do, but this is ridiculous. There are friends and people in my life who do care and understand, and I'm so grateful for them all. You know who you are. Even just those who said hi or sent a silly note when I felt shit. I wouldn't still be coping at all without you all. I hope I can repay the kindness someday.

But for now I have to get away from everything and just recover from this madness, cause I can't do it on my own anymore.

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