Tuesday, May 13, 2014

Truth, Or How to Get Away With Victim-Blaming

I'm the first one to admit I do stupid things when I'm hurt and angry. Everyone copes with strong emotions differently, and coping hasn't been my strong point in the first place. I actually have felt pretty great the past couple days mostly, and that probably has a lot to do with the fact that I was directing my anger where it belonged.

The problem is that it's being used to paint me as crazy and unstable. I was making him feel 'unsafe'. HA. I haven't heard such manipulative BS in a long time. And I admit I have made it easier for him to play the victim when I'm the one hurting so badly, but that's because I'm a threat to him and his precious 'reputation'. Well, the truth is, anyway. I have twisted nothing, nor lied about anything, nor hidden any actions I'm responsible for, and yes, I have reacted badly to this situation as a whole. Everything I have posted of his words and mine haven't been altered except for names.

He acts as if I've been incessantly trying to contact him, which has only happened at all a bit recently, and that I have some unhealthy obsession. Yeah, no. I am HURTING and continue to do so because he thinks he can ignore me and I'm simply going to go away. Sorry, it doesn't work that way when people have the same friends. Mostly I have either a) reacted to him contacting me FIRST or b) participated in a public conversation online, which he took some sort of offense too (oh yeah, cause I called him out on some BS with another friend). When I tried to engage him civilly in response to the 'rules' he set out for me in his email about social gatherings, he ignored me and refused to acknowledge I existed even to say yes or no in response. I did react poorly to that because that shit is cruel and hurtful for no good reason. Honestly, I have no CLUE why he's decided I'm not a person at all unless he has to dictate some shit to me. He got angry, shut me out entirely, and refused to coexist at all in a peaceful manner. I can only guess that I was too much of a 'threat' to his social circle and so he decided to cut me off before that could happen. SURPRISE, that just makes things worse.

Anyway, yeah, sorry if I don't take all that super well. I got a bit tired of him refusing to face up to how he treated me, or acknowledge my existence at all. If he feels 'unsafe', it's because he feels that the truth of things is a threat to how people view him. Um, yeah.. duh. I got a bit tired of being the better person and him traipsing around as if he hadn't a care in the world. So I found ways to make it very clear how he's made me feel. I know it's petty. I needed to get a bit of petty out of my system. Seemed better than spending more time hiding in my room constantly crying.

It's so easy to gloss over the actions of someone with a mental illness as being unreasonable and insane. Just because I react strongly and I'm emotional, there's something wrong with me for being hurt and acting out of that hurt? Well, whatever makes him sleep better at night. The truth of the matter is here, in this post and the last one. I'm an imperfect being who doesn't always make the best choices in any given situation. Fine, I can live with that. The problem is that he will never admit the same is true of himself, and probably the worst punishment is simply that he DOES have to live with that.

Addendum: I'm pretty sure the complete non-communication and refusal to be civil IS just cruelty, as I've stated to him specifically it's a big trigger for me. Hence the reacting poorly every time, as well.

Addendum Addendum: Now he's posting some supposedly relevant stuff about male entitlement that is actually not relevant to our situation at all.. but relevant to the lies he's spinning about me. Nice. Way to be full of yourself, guy.


  1. Have you read 'Why Does He Do That' by Lundy Bancroft? I know I reblogged it from somewhere on Tumblr but I'm not sure if it was you. If it wasn't, and if you haven't read it, you might want a look. It's not _easy_ reading, but it really makes it very clear that IT IS NOT YOU and IT IS NOT ANYTHING THAT YOU HAVE DONE.

    Here's a link to my tumblr post about it.

  2. Ooh, wow. I'm definitely downloading that PDF and I'll give it a read. I think it'll be very helpful. Thank you!